After words

Home. It seems somehow unreal. I can only liken it to a wedding or some other really big event. You spend months and months planning for every detail.... and then it's over in the blink of an eye. I feel that way right now. It isn't entirely a good feeling. So much time, so much effort, so much planning, reading... we bought clothes appropriate for the weather, we got shots, we took pills, we made plans for the house and the dogs and the pool and work while we were away.... we updated our will (really!) and now it's all behind us so very soon.

Coming back from a place like Cambodia is harder than coming home from some places. You can't help but bring ghosts with you. I think of Yoen, our driver, and how hard he is working to provide a home and an education for his family.... I think of the Tabitha worker who witnessed her father and brothers shot point blank on the day the Khmer Rouge evacuated Phnom Penh when she was just 4 years old... I think of that tiny little beggar girl carrying her baby brother or sister (or someone else's baby provided to motivate sympathy by the beggar coordinator) in a sling over her shoulder, I think of the amputee in the market place who when I bent down to put some money in his pocket because he didnt' have any arms I accidentally dropped one of my bags and it landed right on his lap and all he could do was sit there awkwardly waiting for me to pick it up because one day while at farming he bent to pick up a metal object in his path without thinking. These are just a few of the ghosts.

There are joyful memories, too. Brennan counting how many naked babies he saw along the way, oblivious to the fact that once upon a time he delighted in being a naked baby. Kaley teaching the Australian Cambodia girls how to straighten their hair and get their make up just so. Watching the kids dancing the Apsara with their new friends. Derek riding shotgun with Yoen discussing the sights of Phnom Penh along the way. Jim talking motorcycles with the moto drivers. The look on those nannies faces when they first laid eyes on me and the kids. Hearing that cyclo driver say "I remember!!" Watching the kids work harder than they've ever worked and so willingly to build those houses. The glow in the eye of the families as they thanked us for their simple homes. The taste of the pumpkin muffin at the Java Cafe. The blissful warm swimming pool in Siem Reap. There are soooo many good memories.

And of course I have to ask myself what we learned.... I suppose I should speak just for myself but I'll throw in a couple for the rest of my crew, too....

Jim learned that Cambodia wasn't as bad as he thought it would be. I heard him say so myself. :-) Derek probably learned that vacations are best NOT taken with a family, but still he was an amazing travelling companion. I learned that when there's shopping involved, it's always better to travel with a girlfriend, even when the shopping is in a Cambodian market. I really regretted that I didn't have a girlfriend to share the joy of buying a beautifully handmade straw handbag at a ridiculously low price! We learned that if you're careful with handwashing and with what you eat and drink, you can spend two weeks in Cambodia and never even get a tummy ache.... if you're lucky. Brennan and Kaley learned (I think) that their being taken to the orphanage by their birthfamilies was not an act of carelessness, but rather a very careful and loving choice to make sure they would survive in this devastated land. We learned that kids in the orphanages still are way healthier than kids in the streets even after all these years. We learned that there are now people and organizations in place through which we can be making a difference in Cambodia through sending even modest gifts. We learned that thank you transcends language barriers. We learned what really hot weather is and just how much sweat we are capable of producing! We learned that Cambodian girls are really "hot" and just might make good girlfriends! (Right, Brennan?) We learned that a trip to Australia is probably in our future. We learned (again) how great our families and friends are as love, prayers, and guestbook notes sustained and encouraged us all along the way! We learned (at least some of us did) that this was not a once in a lifetime trip, but rather a step in the journey of a lifelong relationship with a land, its culture, and its inspiring people. We learned a lot more than that, but that's enough for here.

One other reflection... I remember the first day of the housebuilding when we were told it was time for a water break and summoned to the rain barrel for a mandatory cooling off. The procedure was that you leaned your head over the barrel and one of the Tabitha workers would take a pot of the cold water and dump it on your head and neck - several times. The water took your breath away and was quite shocking. But you came up from the experienced renewed.... temporarily oblivious to the heat. I remember as the water hit my head for the first time, having the very clear thought go through my head "This is probably as close as I'll ever come to being re-baptized." We Presbyterians, most Christians for that matter, believe that baptism only happens and is necessary once. But I can't escape the thought that sometimes perhaps God rebaptizes us, whether we realize it or not.

Water, River, Spirit, Grace
Sweep over me, sweep over me!
Recarve the depths your fingers traced
In sculpting me, in sculpting me.

Cyberworld is very small. Over the past few years I have surfed my way through the websites of a guy from Britain by the name of Andy Brouwer. His website chronicles his many trips to Cambodia since 1994. I think it was reading his travel reports that first got me thinking seriously about returning to Cambodia - but I never had written to him or told him so. I submitted a brief trip report and hotel review to a travel website that was helpful to me in my trip planning. I was somewhat apologetic in my review of the 4 star hotels since many of the list members are backpackers and adventurers who go to $5 a night guest house and wouldn't be caught dead in a 4 star hotel. To my surprise, among the people who wrote to me were Andy Brouwer. He told me how envious he was that I was in Cambodia in 1991 since his first trip wasn't until 1994. He remarked how strong and brave I must be to have done such a thing and teasingly admonished me not to belittle myself for choosing the 4 star hotels this time around. (OK Marcy, you can stop rolling on the floor laughing right now about the brave part!) Anyway, I wrote him back and told him that I wasn't brave, just naive and driven in 1991 and told him a bit more about this recent trip, about how his website had been part of my inspiration, and why it was important to me to go back. I got the following response back from him, "Thanks for your story. I'm really chuffed (that must be a British term) that I had a little bit-part to play in your returning to Cambodia and I'm so pleased you and your children will likely return.... it's a country and a people I can't stay away from... and maybe one day we'll bump into each other.... we'll be the ones with the big beaming smiles knowing we're in a place we love. Andy B"

Amen.